Well of Illusions!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

i'm gonna stop posting on this blog for now in favour of a more private one which nobody will be able to find by just google-ing my name.

since no one will teach me how to lock this blog i guess this is the best i can do.

it's gonna be real cryptic and stuff so don't bother trying to find it using any search engine.

though i might tell you if you ask reeeeeeeeeal nicelike and actually seem to have a genuine interest in my shit-ass life 8D

slau updated @ 9:40 PM

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Monday, June 1, 2009

i realise that there's no point in doing well academically or excelling in other areas of life when you look just too damn fugly.

because you will only be happy until you look in a mirror.

like me.

and people like me, upon looking in a mirror or any reflective surface for that matter, will go "WHAT THE FUCK!?" and the less mentally stable ones will grab a knife and stab themselves through the heart.

me? i shoulder on, because i always think there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, even though that light may be so dim, it could just be a tiny candle in the face of a bloody hurricane.

like all the stories about building a house on sand, making sure your base is firm, there is no point trying to rack up a list of accomplishments when the template that God based your physical being upon is so damn fucked up.

i wrote in the recent GP CT2 paper that those who defy their physical handicaps should be applauded for their efforts, but in truth that really isn't how the world works, is it? people may acknowledge the effort put in, but deep down inside, they know that these...disadvantaged ones will never compare to them.

likewise, with those who are so ugly people cringe at the very sight of them. that is the life i lead sometimes to me...some modern version of medusa, just with short stumpy blackened snake butts instead of full blown slithery green scaley ones on the top of my head.

why?

why am i so affected by this?

because people put so much damn emphasis on it that's why. in an environment like RJ, where everyone is at least average in terms of academics the defining element is whether you can still maintain your image despite adopting a mugger's way of life.

and i just can't.

well, woe is me then. i can't keep up i guess.

too bad everyone else around me is so freaking well-endowed. why did God have to leave me behind? nobody's going to like me for who i am because i look so freaking screwed up.

aiyah.

i just hate myself.

slau updated @ 12:03 AM

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