Well of Illusions!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

whoa...the dark knight was crazy scary. almost jumped out of my seat when the fake batman crashed into the police guy's window oO

slau updated @ 9:29 PM

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Friday, July 25, 2008

but by no means more controversial, i have decided to talk more about my daily life rather than make cryptic comments all the time that nobody would understand oO

i have to admit i haven't been studying much these past few days...HA! already lagging on physics w.r.t. to oscillations and simple harmonic motions bla and econs is like whoa...totally lost haha but i'm sure i'll make up for it! by the time the lecture test comes around i hope...

this can be attributed partly to my new pasttime of playing table tennis in the hodge lodge! :D it's really quite fun and you can't really get owned by the pros (as i showed against zhengxuan today. hail me.) because the table dimensions are alot different so if you try to play normally...hehehe. anyway i lost to zheng by 4 points! that's not alot! i am the best! mwahaha.

yesterday...and by yesterday i mean wednesday...was interhouse soccer and walao i really screwed up like mad. haven't touched a soccer ball in like ages but as i said earlier i still got asked to play ihc soccer. and in the end i got totally owned >< even though we thought we'd make it through unforseen circumstances forced us to go all out to win our last group game in order to confirm our progress but in the end we could only lose ): thx to me sigh...but okay at least bw's still first! :D and bb seems to have continued the buckley trend in ri by dropping all the way down down down to last place hehehe...

too bad i don't have the luxury of time to extrapolate and plot a trend of BB finishes compared to the four years i had in ri. at least then it was obvious after two years that buckley was gna be finishing last four years in a row! HAHAHA!!!

in addition to that things have been quite highly charged in class these days. i am damn sick and tired of some people and i am dying to get my hands dirty. though i admit i may not be as smart and possible not as strong as certain people i don't think i'd hesitate in getting into any fight with them right now, especially if they throw the first punch. i guess i've watched enough of MMA and UFC to possibly know the basics to taking out an opponent AND making him leak til he's dry and getting a tapout in 36 seconds. hehe.

and i have my own golden army to help me now. 1x 17 hxxxcore guys and growing! watch out poseurs!

and my 30 ounce best friend of steel whom i know will always be by my side on every monday wednesday and friday of the week. and maybe tuesdays and thursdays too if i decide to train after school.

'tis time to get down and dirty!

but i guess some people are just asking for it. i mean if you would just be normal and stay under the radar. like me. nobody would get into any unnecessary trouble. but this unnecessary trouble only comes up when you piss off people who will give you a hell lot of shit because of that. like throwing a paper ball at them. really very irritating. and i hate it when people throw paper balls at me. and at my friends. and disturb me. and disturb my friends. and pose. and act cool. and think they damn hansum. and think they damn rich. and think they damn smart. and think they're above the law. and think they can do anything they like. and think everybody has to like them. and think they can do anything they like.

these people

must die.

painfully.

and i always will be there to make sure they do.

along with my golden army of 1x 17 hxxxcore guys and growing.

in addition i'd like to comment on how 6 months can really bring about a very large change in the way people think and act and i can vouch for that myself! i think my perception of alot of people in rj has changed if not 180 degrees then at least 75 from the first day of school til now and i've had quite a tough time adapting but i think i've sort of come out on top? haha :/ i really appreciate all my friends lar i'm a very 'i need friends' sort of guy otherwise i get all sad and stuff.

and cryptic.

dang i'm getting cryptic.

slau updated @ 12:00 AM

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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

wahlao...this song made me cry T_T
please get it, and please listen to it.

Avenged Sevenfold
Dear God lyrics

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around,
when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
’Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
and all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around,
when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
’Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
when hope begins to fade...

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around,
when I'm much too far away
We all need the person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
’Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

it's not very often when you come across a song that really speaks to you, and actually mirrors your situation almost perfectly? hell yeah it's emo but omg the coincidence really hit something...

slau updated @ 11:42 PM

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Monday, July 21, 2008

okay, what exactly have i gotten myself into by agreeing to 'keep for bw ihc soccer?? xD

/edit

anw check this

36 SECOND TAPOUT WTF!?

i am gonna learn, and i am gonna kick some ass. or beat the shit out of some ass. whichever.

slau updated @ 10:11 PM

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Sunday, July 20, 2008

the thing about youth services is that sometimes the sermons may actually be constructed in a mannter that suits its audience better than what you would hear at the normal adult service. maybe it was by some divine coincidence that i was forced to go for the youth service yesterday because of various commitments but in the end i sat through an hour of preaching that has been the closest to my heart since er...who knows when.

it's always an honour to have a guest speaker in church and maybe this is why. YWAM is something that may not be a possible job application in the future but everyone can really learn a lot from these guys. the sacrifices they make for their God, and the ways that they are rewarded in turn really do a lot to encourage you to trust in something intangible and beyond comprehension.

not that i don't have faith in my own God, just maybe not as selfless as i would have liked, or what other people would have expected from someone who's been believing in the same God since he was 5 months old. at least that's what my mother tells me.

but the speaker brought up something about not trying to be like someone else, because God made you who you are, and if you you were to try and be like someone else, that'd just defeat the purpose for your creation. and ya, it would actually be quite sickening to meet someone one day who behaves in exactly the same way that you do! hm...this message on self-worth could never have been put across more simply.

all my life (well almost) i've been living by other people's standards (and admitting that i do) but i hope and pray that the day where i am able to decide what i want for myself and be satisfied with it will come soon.

slau updated @ 9:24 PM

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Thursday, July 17, 2008

so now that i have calmed down sufficiently to stop cursing and swearing at the world and everything around me everytime i think about my studies it is time to reflect ON HINDSIGHT:

i really should have started studying for the exams right from day one instead of trying to satisfy my sense of self-worth. it's really inconsequential because of my fuck the world attitude i don't really need to please myself knowing that i am pleasing the people around me right oO

not that i don't want to la of course...it's always good to make people around you happy! ignorance is not always blissful.

ON HINDSIGHT
i really shouldn't have bought my psp. damn you make the links i'm damn pissed off with myself i don't even know which corner of the house it's gone to now T_T

ON HINDSIGHT
i like the gatorade advertisement they show in cinemas.

but alot of people don't apparently.

dammit.

ON HINDSIGHT
many people are not what they seem to be. it takes you like 6 months to actually find out? but most people can't afford tha kind of time because before you know it...you're royally screwed! :D

ON HINDSIGHT
sometimes i talk too much for my own good...argh.

ON HINDSIGHT
i laugh too much.

ON HINDSIGHT
it's a good feeling when people need to borrow your tutorial :D

ON HINDSIGHT
gymming is good because you have the ability to punch people's lights out.

ON HINDSIGHT
my softball is actually damn lousy.

ON HINDSIGHT
i am damn smelly!

ON HINDSIGHT
i am damn stupid.

ON HINDSIGHT
but smart at the same time.

ON HINDSIGHT
i hate loud music lei!!!!!

ON HINDSIGHT
the beatles are cool!

ON HINDSIGHT
this is getting long-winded.

IN CONCLUSION
i am kinda enjoying myself! :D

slau updated @ 9:13 PM

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Sunday, July 13, 2008

Say you'll stay, don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way, yeah I need to know
All about you

haha okay i have no idea why i put the lyrics there oO

but anyway ccal camp photos are up yayyy xD thanks olivia/stefan! :D

slau updated @ 4:46 PM

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Wednesday, July 9, 2008

i have no idea what the heck i have to do to make you see how much i care, how much i want to, how much it means to me. i believe it's worth fighting for, much like every other good thing in this world; and you are a blessing indeed.

i'm just so much at a loss right now, i have no idea what to do and everything just seems to hopeless right now.

dang i should be studying.

slau updated @ 12:06 AM

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Monday, July 7, 2008

i just wish that for once in my life i could stop thinking about the things that guarantee me nothing more than crap and wasted time and money and tears. this is all so useless and i just wished i had seen it more clearly so so long ago.

i don't even care if she sees this i'm too bloody pissed off to even care what other people think. i'm really sorry to people like kevin who come here maybe trying to find something funny to read. all that stuff belongs to yougotpenged but i lost to will to blog content of that genre a long long time ago.

all my emotions have gone into aimless pursuits toward something or someone that probably could never be satisfied i guess. you could say this is probably some bitter attempt to console myself and i'd just tell you to fuck off. i don't need your approval, i never did. and i don't need to be impressed by what you did or who you know or what you think you're going to do because it doesn't even fuck matter to me now, does it?

it had to take the rudest of jolts to get me thinking again about why i do this and the answer is that i probably just need something to work towards and all i've wanted to do was to appease other people, the most recent of which was you but now maybe i should just be doing it for myself.

but i won't become just some selfish over-achieving bastard because other people don't need to deal with me that way. they don't deserve to. i don't know why i'm still so pissed and why i couldn't see all the people around who reached out a hand to help in my time of need. yet, i kept turning to you for solace and all due credit to you for whatever you have helped me with but thanks i think i've repaid it in full. and now that things have taken a turn for the worse...it just doesn't seem the same anymore.

i read somewhere that the problem with an eye for an eye, is that everyone ends up blind. i couldn't care less.

slau updated @ 11:31 PM

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Wednesday, July 2, 2008

til now my blog has been relatively free of vulgarities but i feel this is time to give one big shout:

FUCK MUGGING FUCK RJ FUCK STUDIES FUCK LIFE

i don't know whether i should be spurred on to study harder for my promos and lecture/tutorial tests or whether this is a sign that all my studying will eventually end up to naught. i know i'm supposed to have faith when i pray and whatever but i really am going through a crisis right now. i have no idea how to tell my parents, and when to tell my parents about my totally fucked up results because they'd just fuck me up the ass (figuratively) for being lazy and not working hard and getting what i deserve and all that fuck mother shit that i really cannot stand anymore.

the seventh floor looked so tempting today. i haven't had to entertain these thoughts for a long time because of the great people around me providing all kinds of support and i'm really very thankful but there is a point where everything else will be inconsequential and my strength of will and determination will be the only factor determining whether i end my life a blood splat on the floor of a 50-storey high HDB block.

i don't really have much else to look forward to: math was a fuck, econs is really unpredictable and i don't think i did as well for my case study. i am still undecided about the status of my essay even though i had some solace from what the teacher went through today. and gp is well. i just don't have anymore confidence in myself.

and why not? i really feel that this was the hardest i've ever mugged so far in like the past five years and to get these kind of seriously fucked up results is really beyond me. i know others may say that they got worse and start cursing and swearing at me but it is the fact that i aimed so high that i fell so far and if they could only emphatise with the feeling of actually crashing so badly they would maybe be able to understand that sometimes getting a D may not be better than getting an S.

and i'm proving to be very much a failure in everything else too. i'm in no shape to play for combined schools after today's training. i am aching all over, and my plans to work more on fitness just went down the drain cos i couldn't even sit up properly without feeling pain in my stomach today.

i can't even find it in myself to go up and talk to someone that i so badly want to be with. there are just so many stupid thoughts running through my head and i actually think she does feel the way...i think she feels about me. so what the hell. if you're reading this i beg of you to have a little pity.

fuck everything and if you can't stand my ranting then don't come here as it is nobody wants to listen to me rant anyway.

slau updated @ 8:42 PM

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Tuesday, July 1, 2008

i've had the pleasure of listening to a gigantic bunch of frickin imba and nice songs lately. and besides the tune being great, the lyrics meaning a whole bunch to me and the desire that i have to be able to perform all of them the only other similarity between these songs is that they were probably written and produced before we were even born.

yes, welcome to the world of vintage rock. it's good to know that my parents actually had been able to listen to so many good bands and songs when they were our age (i hope) like thunder and bad company. in fact i think some of the bands that were around back then are even better than all the random notes and shit emo lyrics that the musicians of today produce aka MCR -.- the bane of my existence and boys like girls omg is that the pits i have no idea why anybody listens to that kinda crap. emo, wannabe and not even funny like the offspring or weezer -.-

anyway here's the lyrics for one of my favourites: i would do anything for love by meatloaf. try to youtube it if you can oO

And I would do anything for love, I'd run right into hell and back
I would do anything for love, I'll never lie to you and that's a fact
But I'll never forget the way you feel right now, oh no, no way
And I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, I won't do that
Anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, oh I won't do that

Some days it don't come easy, and some days it don't come hard
Some days it don't come at all, and these are the days that never end
Some nights you're breathing fire, and some nights you're carved in ice
Some nights you're like nothing I've ever seen before or will again

Maybe I'm crazy, but it's crazy and it's true
I know you can save me, no one else can save me now but you

As long as the planets are turning, as long as the stars are burning
As long as your dreams are coming true, you better believe it

That I would do anything for love, and I'll be there til the final act
I would do anything for love, and I'll take a vow and seal a pact

But I'll never forgive myself if we don't go all the way tonight
And I would do anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
Oh I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, no I won't do that

I would do anything for love, anything you've been dreaming of
But I just won't do that
(repeats 3x)

(Solo)

Some days I pray for silence, and somedays I pray for soul
Some days I just pray to the God of Sex and Drums and Rock 'N Roll
Some nights I lose the feeling, and some nights I lose control
Some nights I just lose it all when I watch you dance and the thunder rolls

Maybe I'm lonely and that's all I'm qualified to be
There's just one and only, the one and only promise I can keep

As long as the wheels are turning, as long as the fires are burning
As long as your prayers are coming true, you better believe it

That I would do anything for love, and you know it's true and that's a fact
I would do anything for love, and there'll never be no turning back

But I'll never do it better than I do it with you, so long, so long
And I would do anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, no no no I won't do that

I would do anything for love, anything you've been dreaming of
But I just won't do that
(repeats 7x)

But I'll never stop dreaming of you every night of my life, no way

And I would do anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, no I won't do that

[Girl:] Will you raise me up, will you help me down?
Will you get me right out of this Godforsaken town?
Will you make it all a little less cold?

[Boy:] I can do that! I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you hold me sacred? Will you hold me tight?
Can you colorize my life, I'm so sick of black and white?
Can you make it all a little less old?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh, now I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you make me some magic, with your own two hands?
Can you build an emerald city with these grains of sand?
Can you give me something I can take home?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you cater to every fantasy I got?
Will ya hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot?
Will you take me places I've never known?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that!

[Girl:] After a while you'll forget everything
It was a brief interlude and a midsummer night's fling
And you'll see that it's time to move on

[Boy:] I won't do that! No I won't do that!

[Girl:] I know the territory, I've been around
It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down
And sooner or later, you'll be screwing around

[Boy:] I won't do that! No I won't do that!

Anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, no I won't do that

slau updated @ 9:57 PM

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