Well of Illusions!

Saturday, May 31, 2008

what i would give to be with you right now:

my life, for what it's worth.
my future, and all that i may accomplish.
my past, and all that i have acquired.
my joy, because there is none without you.
my possessions, for without you, they have no one to please.
my life. and i would die for you.

slau updated @ 2:16 PM

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Friday, May 30, 2008

i just came back from ccal camp.

going to spend a few days in singapore before leaving for malaysia on monday, only to return on thursday.

i love you and you know it.

slau updated @ 4:22 PM

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Sunday, May 25, 2008

what i would give, to tell you how i really feel...

but maybe you already know!

though i tried my best to deny...i didn't think it was the right time.

but apparently i waited too long, or did i? would i have just hastened by demise?

i know i never deserved the opportunities you allowed me, i'm not that great to be worthy of coming within three feet of you.

why does it always have to come down to this...

i wish i weren't such a loser sometimes...

slau updated @ 11:48 AM

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walao FUCK THIS! like anybody reads this shit!

i'm such a fucking LOSER!

slau updated @ 1:32 AM

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post number 120, and this has to be like some sad piece of crap.

on a day when so many good things happened.

and i never even got to say those three words.

dang, but whatever. when will i get on with these games?

slau updated @ 1:06 AM

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Saturday, May 24, 2008

I DID IT LIKE, OMG! I FRICKIN DID IT!

thanks to the ang moh for giving me the chance! and the rest of 730 rampage!

and whoever was there just to support!

<3

slau updated @ 12:38 AM

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Monday, May 19, 2008

i'm such a confused little person.

do i want this? do i want that?

maybe i just want you...

slau updated @ 11:01 PM

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Monday, May 12, 2008

this is a sad sad story. really sad.

there was once a blind girl who was angry at eveyrthing around her because she felt everything was somehow responsible for her pitiful state. everything except her loving boyfriend, who was there for her each time she needed him, and even when she did not. "if only i could see," she used to tell him, "i would definitely marry you." one day, someone donated her a pair of eyes, and when she was finally able to see she was shocked to find out that her boyfriend was blind. turning away in disgust she left her boyfriend. one day, a long while after that she received a message from him saying "please take care of my eyes."

slau updated @ 11:13 PM

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Saturday, May 10, 2008

i got a piece of good news on thursday. like, fricking damn exciting good news. news that about a year ago would have made the rest of my life seem like one big happy dream. even a math test the next period couldn't dampen my spirits much.

but somehow, it seems to me like good news is just that, news...when you're not there to enjoy it with me. and you're not. you never are. and i hope you haven't changed that much yet, to forget the promises that you've made.

slau updated @ 1:50 PM

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Thursday, May 8, 2008

yeah, i was supposed to be sleeping a damn long time ago but my mind has started to wander and i feel the need to put something down in words.

life is tough.

like honestly, sincerely complicated. and to think i just found out! all along i've been going about my life thinking i know what i want and i am destined to achieve it if i continue working towards and keeping my mind focused on it but that isn't exactly the case at this point in time. i mean, how much would you expect a life-long goal to change over a lifetime?

but mine has, and i'm not sure how to respond to it. if i do follow my conscience, i might very well turn the very people i used to love against me. and though this delicate state of equilibrium (yes, physics still manages to find its way into something as literary as a blog post) is working just fine for me right now, i can't say it's exactly what i want.

so what if both sides are happy when i'm not?

should i be so accomodating as to sacrifice my personal wants, needs, cravings, desires, passions...to subject myself to the kind of ignominy and degredation that i am currently having to deal with? it seems as if nothing i do will up my credibility, move me up a notch or two. everything i do can be criticised one way or another, and nobody actually takes into account the setbacks that i have had to deal with.

yes, i was stupid to force it, but give me a break now ok? i think i've proven my worth but nobody can play a perfect game, nobody can be faultless and everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses. why define my faults and shortcomings so clearly and prominently when i already obviously know what's wrong with myself? as if anyone knows me better than...me?

at this point i'm too lazy to let weird al and avenue q load on youtube, so please bear with me. and i hope that fucked up piece of crap doesn't come irritate me on my tagboard again.

anyway, quite a bit has transpired in school thus far, and a friend has been gained, and quickly lost. i do regret my failure to treasure this person more than i should have, and i know that it is way past the time to regret and repent. but i hope this person will continue to experiance success after success, cos it's exactly what this person deserves and i wish this person all the best.

from the bottom of your used-to-be bestie's heart.

slau updated @ 12:18 AM

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Wednesday, May 7, 2008

RESPECT TO WEIRD AL!!!

slau updated @ 10:21 PM

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Monday, May 5, 2008

As years go by
I race the clock with you
But if you died right now
You know that I'd die too
I'd die too

You remind me of the times
When I knew who I was (I was)
But still the second hand will catch us
Like it always does

Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you

Should I bite my tongue?
Until blood soaks my shirt
We'll never fall apart
Tell me why this hurts so much

My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
But still we'll say, "remember when"
Just like we always do

Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you

Yeah I'd spill my heart!!!
Yeah I'd spill my heart for you!!!

My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes
Mistakes like friends do

My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes

Do you need this as bad as I do? (Until the day I die)
And do you need this as bad as I do? (Until the day I die)
Yeah do you need this as bad as I do? (Until the day I die)
Yeah do you need this as bad as I do, as I do? (Until the day I die)

slau updated @ 11:31 PM

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Sunday, May 4, 2008

when will you ever understand?

slau updated @ 11:21 PM

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i don't mind staying up waiting for your sms/msn reply to finally find that there isn't one, i really don't. i mean, your com lags and you don't always check your phone so, it's kind of expected right?

neither does it bother me when you suddenly run off to your other friends. being who you are you probably know a hell lot more people than me. and that's supposed to be a good thing.

i don't think i really matter to you anymore. maybe i never even did.

if this is what being a bestie is all about, then forget it i don't need one.

slau updated @ 1:13 AM

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