Well of Illusions!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

so my birthday has come and gone...18 years old already! i should be maturing by now.

i learnt alot of things on the KL trip, alot of new ways to look at life, alot of things about other people. alot of possibilities, and alot of ways in which things can turn out differently from what you initially expect them to be. it wasn't exactly a very fulfilling time in terms of softball, i basically screwed up in my first and only chance to play and i think it's justified that someone else took over the position for subsequent matches, but the team is really a strong one, and we showed that in the last game against m'sia.

anyway i've decided to continue going back for trainings as often as i can. obviously school ones come first, because i have a commitment to the institution that's brought me so far, but i feel that these trainings can really help me improve. being around people who are so much better than me and have so much more to offer can only stand me in good stead in the future, and i hope that i can up my standard before the nationals come around. the whole team can't be depending on just watson to hold the game. i can throw so many more people out, stop so many more throws better. read the game in a much more matured fashion.

maturity. it really is something that i've been finding hard to grasp, even when experiences aren't really considered a first when i face them. i should be ready to handle what life throws at me, especially when i've encountered them before, but i always find myself ill-prepared and unready. and i tend to over-react as a result.

it is heartening to find people like kenny who, even though they don't know you very well, are so open to sharing things about life with you. yes, the subject matter may sound superficial to some, but to me it is really applicable in many other situations. it helps me control my temper, my emotions, and helps me come up with a more rational response to things. just like in the game; relax and take it easy. choose not to hit rather than to hit. never throw behind the runner. so many things to remember in that split second when the difference of a step, the width of the barrel of a bat, can determine which side wins or loses. when it's two done in the ninth, (or fifth. or tenth, as ichiro showed.) will i be mature enough to carry myself as the person that i want to be?

obviously i haven't been concentrating on math, but i feel that i am adequetly prepared. just need to do some last minute revision. at least i'm being more serious about my studies, although econs was really honestly hell. what a way to celebrate a birthday.

slau updated @ 7:43 PM

-------------------------------

Saturday, March 7, 2009

okay the week hasn't exactly passed completely yet, but so many things have happened that have made me happy/sad etc whatever that i just have to blog. after quite a while oO

1) i passed napfa! :D of course i would have liked to have gotten a gold, but sbj is really too hard to improve over such a short period of time and i wasn't going to risk injuring myself by taking another jump. still, it's a large large improvement from last year when i eff-ed it up real bad and got stuck in fitness for the rest of the year.

2) i think i have an issue with emotions. i get attached to people too easily, and i end up having a hard time letting go. i think too much about things around me, so much so that i inevitably reduce my self-esteem to such an extent that i can hardly stand myself. sigh. at least i didn't cry in front of my mom/dad and i'm really grateful for people who have helped me feel better.

3) i got in! after near-killing myself training 5 days in a row and potentially 6 i'm going up to malaysia with the team! i just hope i don't screw up, i really want to justify the coaches' decision.

and finally thank god. i really really wouldn't have survived this week without Jesus. all glory to Him.

slau updated @ 6:23 PM

-------------------------------