Well of Illusions!

Friday, August 22, 2008

i just received two songs in the past week that have already made me cry )':

slau updated @ 8:13 PM

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Sunday, August 17, 2008

wah shit haven't posted in ages oO

alot of shit has happened since the last post, but what's new?

anyway, read this from somewhere...can't remember exactly where but it's somewhere and i remembered it:

i loved my father very much.

some people might tell ya real tough guys don't say things like that.

well, those people don't know what the #$%^ they're talkin' about.

real tough guys are emotional. that's what makes 'em tough guys in the first place.

they ain't afraid to show their emotions 'cause they don't give a crap what you think about 'em.

my father used to say that all the time.

like i said, i loved my father very much. and when he died, i bawled like a little girl.

i ain't afraid to admit that, either.

hmm...a very interesting perspective, no?

slau updated @ 6:43 PM

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Monday, August 4, 2008

a friend recently asked why i had suddenly become so studious (fk now i can't even spell properly) and intellectual all of a sudden. have i, really? would i honestly be blogging at this point in time if i had actually become some studious, smart-ass freak who gets on dean's lists like how jiayuan totally owned the corner during 4 x 100 today. shit man all of us should go find out how to run as fast as him. as if the mt relay team wasn't already fast enough, by the time he passed the baton on to the anchor runner there was already like a 40m lead on the next runner.

not to say that siddiq's win wasn't any less impressive; heck he was trotting the last ten metres luh. this is total ownage. and bw is currently getting pwned at tnf -.- a pity i didn't get to throw, though i don't think i would've made much of a difference. haha maybe next year...

ya anyway back to me being supposedly 'studious and intellectual'. i guess i haven't actually went and mugger for a chem mock spa before, or a physics mock spa, like what i'm doing now. but on the other hand i haven't gone and looked through notes from all the way back til january. and i'm crossing my fingers that log values don't come out. and anyway i'm still telling myself that 'it's okay, it's only a mock spa'. lol. the old slau still thrives within me, there's no getting rid of that ever i guess. but maybe his priorities have just changed. maybe other things in life actually matter to him now instead of like, looking cool and everything?

maybe the old slau has finally realised how ugly some people can look on the outside; when they used to be oh-so-pretty just a few weeks ago. it's possible that he's started to question his ideals, and think about where his future really lies. whether short-term benefits really outweigh the importance of those in the long-run.

or could it be that his definition of self-worth has taken on a whole new meaning? maybe this is just a facade, and once the circumstances change, slau will be back to his same, old superficial self. cheater. slacker. idiot.

in my humble opinion and defence, i would like to say that maybe it's a combination of all these factors. on hindsight i have achieved almost everything that i would have liked to have, although some of it could have occured a little earlier, i still attained it in the end. so maybe now i don't really have anything to wish for, ardently.

but that can't be, as econs has thoroughly explained to us. man's needs are infinite, and as the level of technology and amount of resources increase, so do his needs. and i don't think mine have stagnated, just that maybe the afore-mentioned two factors are related more to another product (studies) instead of another, resulting in a skewed ppc, causing me to be more productive in a different sector of my life now than it was before. see econs is really applicable to daily life. i'm sorry if any of you didn't get that.

but anyway, if my friend were to ask me that again, i'd just have to reply her. or him. with something simple, such as: i can't really be sure, but is it a good change for you? in the end, i just really would like to be someone who makes the best out of what i have, and create as many positive externalities as i can, and try my best to prevent market failure though i know this will never be possible in a free market economy. sad but, as least i can try to salvage the situation.

and if she. or he. isn't happy then well, it's just one opinion. such a small sample size would be unable to reflect the actual opinion of everyone involved, as is the case with market data related to elasticity concepts. and because these pieces of information keep changing they have to be constantly updated, and i have to keep asking people whether they think i'm doing the right thing.

but does that mean it never comes down to what i want? not really, i have my own agendas, and they're probably up to you to find out. but i'm not as stupid to continue on with them if i find out they aren't working of course. circumstances change, situational requirements change, and so must i change with them. i guess this is what makes life so interesting, and painful at the same time. the unexpectedness just catches you off guard and when you once thought that things were going ever so smoothly...they just turn on their head at the worst possible moment, knock you out of your comfort zone.

i'm actually quite irritated by all this brooding. dang but whatever.

slau updated @ 11:47 PM

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