Well of Illusions!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

i hate everytime this happens; it's just like losing a part of yourself. you spend every waking moment thinking about what she's doing, and how you can be with her. it's as if she's hurting you when she's doing nothing at all.

but she is! being passive is the worst thing she can do. it fills my heart to hear her concern, to see her come over, instead of me making the first move all the time. but when she doesn't react, when she seems so disinterested, i just feel like tearing a whole in the ground and jumping inside before closing it forever. that is the ignominy i put myself through every day because i have such a big mouth.

and because she is such a good friend, i cannot imagine that she's doing anything of this on purpose. this i am sure of; she's really been there for me all the time. which is why i cannot bear to gatecrash her party which is her life. why change it if it's working just fine? why should i have the privilege of being her shoulder to cry on, or the one she confides in when she has so many other probably better friends?

slau updated @ 8:33 PM

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