Well of Illusions!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

OKAY! the next two weeks will be the most hardcore ones of my life.

have to stop going for extra practices for awhile.

4/5/2009 at ACSi...remember the day slau.

slau updated @ 9:33 PM

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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

i haven't been emo (meaning thoughtful and pessimistic about life imho) in such a long time, meaning that it's really been a good past few weeks for me. yeah there were a few hiccups here and there but overall i've been feeling pretty good about life. not anymore, actually. i think the joys have given way to new forms of stress and i'm not really enjoying this added pressure. there are just so many commitments i have to deal with at this point in time i feel like i could explode. i don't have time for friends, friends probably hardly have time for me either, and despite the many accomplishments i have to my name i doubt i'm actually really enjoying life. i don't know why i feel the need to have so many accolades, but i may be experiencing the other side of success, in a very trying way indeed. h3 test on saturday, friendlies on fridays/saturdays. more training. men's league on sunday. and the season starts in two weeks. if we don't perform to expectations, and i really expect to go all the way this time, there's no telling what effect the disappointment may have on myself. i think i'm really freaking out this time. i've been putting myself under so much stress, overloading myself with the need to succeed. and now that i think i've gotten almost everything i've set out to get, i'm not sure if it's worth it after all. and that really sucks. all the hard work, all the extra hours put in when going down to kallang and slogging it out at night when people could be at home resting, spending 4 hours a week learning extra stuff just to make my CV more impressive when others are experiencing the more beautiful aspects of life, i think i may be missing out on what life is really all about. i can't help but think that i'm slowly losing touch of my friends. this is just one of the few opportunities when i've been able to sit down and actually think about life. all the while i've been busy working, studying, training, sleeping...that's all my life's been revolving around. and to think i used to look up to people who led this kind of life. not to be degrading, but i doubt that it's actually worth much. maybe it's just my state of mind at the moment. maybe i'm just feeling a little down because of the weather. i don't know, i really don't know. but i dare not entertain the thought that whatever i've worked so much for is going to eventually come to naught. i think what i need is some good old perspective. and not from myself, i don't trust that anymore.

slau updated @ 10:58 PM

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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

the desire and need for my team to get to the finals this year is now greater than ever. there is no other alternative. we cannot fail to get the gold this time round.

slau updated @ 12:51 AM

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Thursday, April 9, 2009

the mind is willing, but my body apparently is unable to take 5 days of training a week.

slau updated @ 9:12 PM

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Sunday, April 5, 2009

yes i shouldn't be thinking about girls. i have so many good things already why the heck would i need a girlfriend now!?

slau updated @ 6:16 PM

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