Well of Illusions!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

i hope the people that actually read the previous post know me well enough to know that obviously that wasn't really me talking there.

things have just been really quite crappy these few days, and on top of studying for promos it hasn't exactly made my current situation very promising. i mean, as if there hasn't been enough on my mind already? other people can afford to focus completely on trying to get good grades for this year-end exam but here i am spending my time uselessly wondering about what could have been and what went wrong about anything else other than my studies.

it's not as if i want to let this distract me, it's just that i've unwittingly let it become such a big part of my life that anything i perceive that is wrong really puts a very heavy toll on my mind. and it's so important to me that...owell, i guess it's become really hard to let go.

there have been people that encourage me to just move on, but deep inside i'm not ready to give up on this, because deep inside, in spite of whatever has happened as a result of it, and whatever will probably happen because of this thing, i still believe that it's the right thing to do. it's worth going after, and definitely worth all the time i have devoted to it, even if others don't think so.

i'm not saying anyone should try to appreciate what i've done towards this cause because it's a personal one, and no one else should make it their business. however i'm very grateful for all the friends that have stood by me and really lent a very supportive shoulder for me to lean on, in spite of the fact that i may have failed to return the favour on many other occasions. to people like merrill woosheng seetow benji daryl zhihao tami wenda christian nic and others whom i may have left out, i think i'd most likely be nothing more than a mindless wreck locked up in some psycho ward if i didn't have people like you around to talk to about whatever's on my mind.

to be honest, i really think i've been treated like crap, and i still have no idea why i persist really. like a friend said, you either accept it, or move on. and since i can't exactly bring myself to do the latter at this point in time, i've really got no other choice than to just bear with the current situation.

you think you'd know a person really, especially after more than a few months and possibly even a year or so. but obviously people change, and i guess i can't possibly agree with everything that someone else does.

okay this might sound like something quite incomplete at the moment but i really have no idea how to continue. maybe another day then.

/edit

okay i changed my mind.

FUCK YOU BITCH!

slau updated @ 8:09 PM

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