Well of Illusions!

Monday, July 7, 2008

i just wish that for once in my life i could stop thinking about the things that guarantee me nothing more than crap and wasted time and money and tears. this is all so useless and i just wished i had seen it more clearly so so long ago.

i don't even care if she sees this i'm too bloody pissed off to even care what other people think. i'm really sorry to people like kevin who come here maybe trying to find something funny to read. all that stuff belongs to yougotpenged but i lost to will to blog content of that genre a long long time ago.

all my emotions have gone into aimless pursuits toward something or someone that probably could never be satisfied i guess. you could say this is probably some bitter attempt to console myself and i'd just tell you to fuck off. i don't need your approval, i never did. and i don't need to be impressed by what you did or who you know or what you think you're going to do because it doesn't even fuck matter to me now, does it?

it had to take the rudest of jolts to get me thinking again about why i do this and the answer is that i probably just need something to work towards and all i've wanted to do was to appease other people, the most recent of which was you but now maybe i should just be doing it for myself.

but i won't become just some selfish over-achieving bastard because other people don't need to deal with me that way. they don't deserve to. i don't know why i'm still so pissed and why i couldn't see all the people around who reached out a hand to help in my time of need. yet, i kept turning to you for solace and all due credit to you for whatever you have helped me with but thanks i think i've repaid it in full. and now that things have taken a turn for the worse...it just doesn't seem the same anymore.

i read somewhere that the problem with an eye for an eye, is that everyone ends up blind. i couldn't care less.

slau updated @ 11:31 PM

-------------------------------