Well of Illusions!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

aiyoh today was such a good day but i suddenly feel the need to take another look at things...peek under the surface, peel off the surface, tear through the skin of reality and think about what will be.

and what could have been.

so today was the first training with the combined schools team and it really puts a lot of things in perspective: the perceptions i had of other people, the stereotypes that i had formed and basically so many things were just turned on their head in that three hours of training.

which totally killed me too by the way. i am super duper unfit and my elbow is killing me i didn't get a single person out at two today and i was one for two at batting and i got on base cos of an error. and it's just one week til our first game in the men's league and it's a given that everybody wants to give a good account of themselves in probably the highest level of competition in singapore softball.

toss in the fact that this is something i've seriously wanted for the frickin longest time. i've been dreaming about donning the jersey, and playing with other school-going guys of the highest level on the same team. not to say that my own teammates from ri and rj aren't as good, but it's a whole new opportunity that i had yet to taste. not to mention the credentials that come with it.

the haphazard nature of this entry thus compels me to move temporarily over to the nature of these credentials and the materialism that is associated with it. yes generosity and selflessness may be virtues of great importance but there must also be a certain sense of realism to everything. how can someone senselessly pursue an ambition or a passion when it gives them nothing but an adrenaline rush? it wouldn't be practical as it won't be able to sustain them in the long run.

my sustenance is of utmost importance to me. and sometimes i have no choice but to put my survival ahead of things that others may feel should be more important. like my morals, and values. and the fact that i simply want to do something because i enjoy it.

and everybody knows what i'd be doing if i really wanted to do something i enjoyed.

definitely not studying.

everything can be perceived as a double-edged sword; not just knowledge, as 'flowers for algernon' may have taught us. should we go about life allowing the rest of the world to just step on our faces and take their place in a hierarchy which has limited capacity for big-headed, self-centred, power-hungry, tyrannical *censored* then we'll be nothing more than dust in the middle of whatever road in life we choose to take. then you just might end up mad. like sweeney todd.

okay fine so back to my day, after training i spent the rest of the day mucking around in school making an absolute nuisance of myself. lit week looks kinda fun and again i wondered what would have happened if i had chosen to take lit. and i look at what other people are doing for lit week and i know i'd have had a hell lot of fun.

at the expense of my grades.

i just wish sometimes school wasn't all about grades. i know i've been thinking about my ri days alot but i just can't help myself, especially now that i can finally get my mind off the books. it's actually quite good that peng is filling up http://yougotpenged.blogspot.com/ with all sorts of stupid retarded pieces of crap cos that's exactly what we were doing two years ago.

i can't help feeling nostalgic and today while watching some random jap serial about a teacher with a bunch of delinquents i couldn't help but draw parallels to my sec 3/4 class. duh people would say we were crazy and messed up but wth do they know? at least we have memories to keep, and our sec sch life won't just be some blank slate or a missing portion during the 13th to 16th years of our life. i'm just really happy that memories will be treasured and experiances can be shared.

damn i miss 4p...

and then i came home, and i watched lotr, and there was a line in the movie that went something like...

"there are still good things in life bla bla bla...and good things are always worth fighting for yada yada yada..."

and sometimes i think that i haven't really been fighting hard for the good things i want in life. it didn't help that after that i went to read some story about the blood of Jesus that saved me and started feeling all pathetic about my walk as a christian. i know the after life may not concern many at this point in time but i really want to go to heaven. and hopefully i'll see all my friends there too.

this has just been a series of random thoughts that all came together when i actually had the time to sit down and think about them. it's not often that i get the time to do this kinda stuff, so i think all of us should really treasure the time that we have. and i don't mind other people reading about it because i feel that stuff like this can maybe...i dunno, relate to others. it's not that i'm attention-seeking by being emotional, i've hardly ever been these days because they've been some of the better ones so far in rj.

and to end off, spending time with friends is really one of the best ways to live your life. and it's always great when you can get some of that love you show others back in return...

slau updated @ 11:39 PM

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