Well of Illusions!

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

it had to happen. it just HAD to happen to me. and with the first month of school just over too! what a way to start my two years in jc!

what amazes me is how i keep on going, how i've continued living through each day. i should have been dead long ago, splattered into a million pieces on some road somewhere in singapore. or dehydrated, wrinkled like a prune, with all the blood in me having gushed out from the multiple slash wounds on my arms.

but no, i'm still here. typing out what seems like just another emo entry contemplating suicide.

and i am. the seventh floor looked so tempting when i went up alone about two hours ago. or maybe the thirteenth floor of the new boarding block if it were easier to gain access to it.

this is the kind of mental torment i subject myself to by being such a sucker for emotions. maybe i'd fare better if i were as 'stoned' as some people. if i wore the same expression on my face 24 hours a day, like today. i could stay that depressed, and that emo for the rest of my life, i'd just have to get used to it. maybe then i'd actually live a happier life.

but what makes me so pissed this time round is that this end was really premature. i never intended for it to come to this, and there're really a lot of other things that i had planned to do. obviously they won't come to much use now.

thanks so much to everyone who have tried to make me feel better, my og and classmates, friends. i am extremely grateful from the bottom of my heart for having people to talk to in this time of need.

i think a part of me just shriveled up and died today.

slau updated @ 9:40 PM

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